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(opening music for celebrity jeopardy)

“The Other Mangler”

By Ian

Narrator: It’s the Mangler! Created in a basement by his nemesis and Grand-pappy, Doctor Horatio, The Mangler has been endowed with the totally awesome superpower to see into the future and discover whether a person will grow up to be good or Jewish.  With this knowledge, he is able to eat babies before they can grow up to become the next Michael Bloomberg.

INT. IAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

We open on a ringing telephone. Much like some scary movie, although instead of being the harbinger of doom for the character who answers, this call will bring forth good repercussions. Sort of.

Ian

Hello?

Voice

(from phone)

Ian?

Ian

Yes?

Voice

Who was the killer in Friday the 13th?

Ian

Mrs. Voorhees, Jason’s mom. Look I have the whole Scream box set on DVD, so don’t go trying to scare me with old material. Be original.

Voice

(changing)