For Pam

It can be hard to get ahead in the world

It bites and you get what you get

Nothing less

You make your own fortune

With things of value that are worthless

And you don’t complain

For you get what you get

When the chance comes to make

To create

Take it

And do what you can to make it pay

And as it rains down upon you

Think to yourself if that chance were missed

So to would be the rain

And you would be thirsty for water

Random fun

Don't worry about technology or automation making your job redundant. DJs still exist and they were pointless even before iPods or playlists.

Someone just gave me a webcam cover for my computer. Now I’ll never get tips!

Ironically, there is no “i” in cyclops.

At any given time in America, up to 3 McDonalds ice cream machines are working.

I've created a perpetual motion machine! Wait, no. It stopped again.

I still waiting for the Flavor Flav masterclass.

“There’s a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza.”

“Use another one Henry. I’m on the phone.”

And scene.