Stand up

Don't worry about technology or automation making your job redundant. DJs still exist and they were pointless even before iPods or playlists.

Someone just gave me a webcam cover for my computer. Now I’ll never get tips!

Ironically, there is no “i” in cyclops.

At any given time in America, up to 3 McDonalds ice cream machines are working.

I've created a perpetual motion machine! Wait, no. It stopped again.

I still waiting for the Flavor Flav masterclass.

“There’s a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza.”

“Use another one Henry. I’m on the phone.”

And scene.