I once told a customer I was new. ...I wasn’t new.

How come you never see A) None of the below?

There is another Hellboy sequel and he still hasn’t started his mayonnaise company yet.

We need game shows where you can do so badly, you owe them money. Let’s put some real tension in these things!

I got a work email that was written in purple font. I feel like I’m responding to a hostage situation.

I don’t know how to be friends with normal people. Do you just nod the whole time?

There’s no coffee bar called Bean Me Up, Biscotti.