I’m in the sweet spot with my looks. I’m just good looking enough for people to still assume I have a brain and not ugly enough for people to ask me about my novelty folk band.

My new favorite fact: The budget of Jurassic Park was.... 65 million. Perfection.

Don't worry about technology or automation making your job redundant. DJs still exist and they were pointless even before iPods or playlists.

They should make a remake of The Rock with The Rock.

You can have great uncles and great aunts, but you can’t have great parents. They have to be grand first.

My suggestion for the name of the Face/off reboot: Ham Sandwich.

I installed the Flying Toasters screensaver on my computer at work because I’m cool.

I wonder what percent of videos on YouTube start with “Hey guys!”

I wish my PS4 could hold five discs. That'd be a game changer.

I went to a girl’s house once and she went into other room to slip into something more comfortable. It was her car.